Dear Bekah

You are going to hear that your child has an awful disease. I want you to know something…

Your world, as you know it, will come crashing down around you. It will shatter and you will be left broken in pieces. You’ll look around you at the mess and wonder at the puny strength this supposedly strong woman of God has. Everything you once dreamed of will be gone, everything you worried about in raising your child, no longer relevant or concerning.

You will begin a new kind of life, one in which you are living out every parent’s worst nightmare. As people hear your story, especially other parents, they will cry… A lot. They will break for you. They can’t imagine receiving the kind of news you’ve received.

And neither would you… Until you did.

Every moment will be painful. You’ll feel those hot tears blazing down on you in every circumstance. You’ll cry when your child laughs, when he cries, when he sleeps.

And it will feel like you’ll never feel another kind of emotion again… Pain, only pain, forever.

And then something happens.

Ever so subtly and slowly, your world begins to rebuild. Your life as a Jesus follower no longer looks pristine and perfect. As it is rebuilt, it is built with shattered glass, divots, cuts in all angles. It’s as if you are a great cathedral being rebuilt using colors of all kinds. Dark, light, bright, muted. This cathedral is crooked, jagged, all with the most ugly beautiful you’ve ever seen. The dimensions are dynamic and breathtaking as light rips through the shattered glass leaving an unworldly beauty that only ONE can give.

It is so subtle, it might be a few days before you notice it, but the heaviness in your heart, the hot tears in your eyes, they aren’t holding you hostage like they did before. You take a step forward in acceptance, albeit a bitter and sorrowful one, and you find yourself stepping into a moment… Whatever moment you are in right then.

You notice things you’ve never noticed before and you start to feel something… Joy.

At first, you’re relieved! You thought that would never come back. But then you feel guilt. How can I feel joy right now? How can I accept this? How can I ever be happy again with a loss so great?

I don’t know… You just feel it.

God rebuilds you into a beautiful, deep, courageous, joyful, fully surrendered person. One who lives more authentically, more vulnerably, more present, more fully, more openly, more loving, more thankful, more joyful.

Dear Bekah… When your world comes crashing down there is ONE there to rebuild it. And you will be able to show others that Jesus can do that for them in the midst of their brokenness too.

You have become a shattered beauty.

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Thanks for listening,

Bekah

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3 thoughts on “Dear Bekah

  1. Bekah, I don’t know you, but I think of you often and pray for you and your husband and those sweet little boys. They are blessed to have such an amazing parents. I saw a picture and immediately thought of you. It’s called “Arise and Walk” by Simon Dewey. Someday, whether in this life or the next, your boys will be healed from this disease. Someday you will again hear Titus proudly state his name. The Savior is close to you everyday, as He is in the picture, watching over your family and blessing and healing you in countless ways. My family will continue to pray for you.

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  2. A friend called last night and told me about your blog. She said that she could not understand how you were able to still have joy in spite of crushing heartbreak. After talking to her I had to find it, I had to read it. Thank you for sharing your journey – it gives hope to situations that seem hopeless.

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