Remind me again, please

He is faithful.

He is good.

He knows pain.

This is temporary.

He promises a hope that won’t disappoint. 

He keeps his promises.

He will redeem.

These statements have been running through my mind a lot lately. This month has proven to be an emotional roller-coaster for me. I found myself scribbling these truths up on the giant decorative mirror in our dining room because I needed to be reminded… often. Truth needed to be spoken to my soul, over and over and over and over.

Today, my baby sister and her hubby celebrate 3 years of marriage. Flashing back 3 years ago, I had barely made it to the wedding flying in at midnight on Friday night with little Ely in tow. It was supposed to be the whole family on the trip, Titus given the honor of ring bearer and I, the matron of honor. But circumstances didn’t line up as such and we left Danny and Titus back home occupying a room on the neuroscience unit at our children’s hospital. Titus had been hospitalized, yet again, for uncontrollable seizures. He spent long days there as they quickly weaned him off one medication to put him on yet another in an attempt to gain control over these seizures. It was heartbreaking to leave them behind. Ely and his cousin, Colby, did a wonderful job standing in as the ring bearers in Sarah and Michael’s beautiful wedding and we flew home at 6 am Sunday morning to be reunited with the other half of our little family. I remember arriving home, knowing Titus had just gotten discharged. Danny had made an extra stop before heading home to buy kites. (This was one of those moments I constantly thank God for gifting to us and prompting Danny’s heart in this way.) We joined them out on the big grassy park right by our house and watched daddy fly a magnificent shark kite. Neither of them had ever seen a kite before. I will never forget the excitement, awe and pure delight exploding out of each of our boys and it was contagious. I felt it too.

We had just plowed through one more obstacle to help our little boy and we celebrated that, but deep down in our guts we were unsettled, feeling as though something was coming – that we weren’t in the clear. We’d learned by then to enjoy the moments, but not to let our guard down. That year, 2014, Titus was the same age Ely is now. We had no idea what was actually lying in wait in both our boys’ bodies.

My heart aches for what could’ve been had Titus received an early enough diagnosis to get in to the enzyme replacement trial that opened just shortly after that kite flying day. But we didn’t, he didn’t. We had no idea what we were facing. And I constantly have to come back to…

“This is temporary.”

“God will redeem!”

“He promises a hope that won’t disappoint.”

“This isn’t over,” I say to myself as I ponder that beautiful memory 3 years ago. Titus’s story has not ended and someday we’ll be together with Christ in glorious bodies – perfect without disease! That day will come. And in the meantime, redemption is here too.

God gives us joy in the midst of heart pain.

He gives us peace in the middle of turbulent waters.

He gives us strength under weighty grief.

He restores my soul when the circumstances of this world and my own destructive patterns shatter it.

He gives direction and a sense of purpose in a dark pit that feels impossible to move from.

These are all signs of his love, his involvement, his redemption. This is God. Here and now.

So, until the day all is fully redeemed and restored whole…

He is faithful.

He is good.

He knows pain.

This is temporary.

He promises a hope that will not disappoint.

He keeps his promises.

He will redeem.

May truth hold our minds, hearts and souls captive in the midst of our heartbreaks, disappointments and sorrows.

Thanks for listening,

Bekah

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